I have just finished reading C.S. Lewis’s book, Till We Have Faces[i]. A troubling story, to say the least, where Lewis remakes the classical myth of Cupid and Psyche.
One of many aspects it portrays through the two sisters is the search for love. Orual representing the earthly grasping, at best jealous, selfish love of humanity apart from God, and Psyche the search for Divine love, which requires the giving over of one’s self in utter abandonment. The title is reported to have been taken from the scripture in 1 Corinthian 13:12, “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
The difficulty is in seeing yourself clearly and in exposing that self as ugly as “Ungit” in the story. Orual attempted to write her story giving her complaint, even accusation, toward the gods. Similarly, I have often “written” myself out on the page as much to see my thoughts and motives in black and white, as to share any newly acquired insight.
“When the time comes to you at which you will be forced at last to utter the speech which has lain at the center of your soul for years, which you have, all that time, idiot like, been saying over and over, you’ll not talk about joy of words. I saw well why the gods do not speak to us openly, nor let us answer. Till that word be dug out of us why should they hear the babble that we think we mean? How can they meet us face to face until we have faces?”
I felt arrested by this statement. I know the complaint that I have so often rehearsed; my very own personal Job’s accusation that God had somehow been unfair! The reality hit me that it was not until I had written it into a story literally, uttered the speech which had lain at the center of my soul for years, which I had, all that time, idiot like, been saying over and over” that I saw the truth of it for the first time. It was “dug out” of me! Orual says it well,
“The change which the writing wrought in me (and of which I did not write) was only a beginning; only to prepare me for the gods’ surgery. They used my own pen to probe my wound. ”
It is hard to accept that the love that you think you have- may be jealous, manipulative, even at times, cruel. The hardest reality is that it may also become a barrier to someone else’s pursuit of God. As Lewis says,
“For mortals, as you said, will become more and more jealous. And mother, and wife, and child and friend will all be in league to keep a soul from being united with the Divine Nature.”
Seeing oneself as truly exposed before God, does away instantly with any thought of demanding from God justice for the supposed wrongs or slights we would accuse Him of allowing. Orual ask the question,
“Are the gods not just?” Her teacher the Fox replies, “Oh no, child. What would become of us if they were?”
It is no slight coincidence to me that I have been meditating on where James says, “mercy triumphs over judgment”.
Again Micah 7:18 takes it even a step further, “You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.” Mercy triumphs over judgment is not a bad refrain to get stuck in your head.
Orual ended her first book of accusation with the words, “no answer”. She ended her second book after her encounter with the Divine Nature as follows,
“I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away.”
[i] Lewis, C. S. Till We Have Faces. Orlando: Harcourt, 1956, 1984.
